DISQUS

J_Perk · 5 months ago

Aside from Skids and Mudflap, aside from Sam's mom (and parents in general), aside from the unnessecary humping dogs and robots and giant robot testicles, the thing I hate most about this movie is the Transformers themselves; or at least the way bay presents them.

Optimus himself has a line talking about how advanced the Transformer's weapons are, and how Humanity would wreak havok were we to be given access to the technology. Every single transformer in the movie then proceeds to be unable to hit the broad side of a barn with their weapons. When they do hit, they do negligible amounts of damage, and it's even revealed to us through slo-mo that their guns are just big cannons that fire big bullets. Seriously? The U.S. Military's own 'antiquated,' weaponry proceeds to be more accurate, and more devastating, than anything that the transformers show in the movie, how hard would it have been to give them lasers, like in the cartoon? If they were color-coded, we could have even known who was who in the testacularly edited fight scenes.

Beyond that, The movie is named "Transformers," when a more accurate name would have been "Shia ladouche (I have nothing against Shia, I just can't remember how to spell his name right now) saves the day; and also there are explosions and robots." None of the transformers get any significant screen-time, save for Skids and mudflap; I can't be the only one angry that Arcee only has one line in the entire movie, after which she is promptly asplodified. The movie devotes more time to the question of when Shia will say "I love you," to Megan than it does to any of the transformers, and not only are most of the robots interchangable because none of them ever speak, it manages to make Optimus prime a supporting character. It manages to make everyone a supporting character aside from Shia lablows, whose character is about as interesting as a blank sheet of paper in a whiteout factory, and undergoes just as much change and development.

Michael bay could have made this into an amazing robot movie had he actually focused on the title characters more, and not tried to make this a vehicle for Shia. Unfortunately, Bay sucks at anything that doesn't involve copious amounts of pyrotechnics, and his attempts to insert drama, humor, a story, or even human emotion into the film all fall flat on their faces. It is really disheartening to see so bad a movie making so much money.