DISQUS

daniel herrera · 1 year ago

OBAMA STILL LOOKING FOR CHANGE BUT NO VENDING MACHINE NEAR..

supremejred · 1 year ago

Today a man in Birmingham, Al brought four of his goldfish to a local pawn shop to sell the
fish. The man, John Kwill was shocked and angered when he found out his fish were not
actually made of gold and there for worth nothing.

dreadpirateluke · 1 year ago

Universal Fire "Not All Bad" Says Studio Head

NBC Universal President and Chief Operating Officer Ron Meyer said the fire that raged across the studio's back lot this past weekend was a "mixed blessing." "The fire destroyed tens of millions of dollars worth of studio property, but on the positive side, the fire also destroyed hundreds of copies of absolute bombs such as 'Let's Go To Prison', 'Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift', and 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas.' While it did cause untold damage and destroy numerous high quality Universal releases, it did save us the trouble of purging every copy of Ang Lee's 'Hulk' from the face of the Earth. With that in mind, Universal pretty much broke even."

agordon10 · 1 year ago

Man wins contest without interesting fake story.

Tracey Byram · 1 year ago

Breaking News-Today gasoline dropped to an all time low of 5 cents a gallon. Whatever will Georgie Bush do now?

Cynthia C · 1 year ago

In a history-making decision the Supreme Court today upheld the Constitutional Amendment to allow George W Bush to serve a third term due to his overwhelming popularity and obvious invaluable leadership skills. "He's just too good to let go," stated his long-time supporter, Ted Kennedy.

Deborah Wellenstein · 1 year ago

Bill Clinton, since leaving office, has remained faithful to his wife, presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton.

LInda Moeller · 1 year ago

Hillary Clinton wins nomination!

Stephen Saunders · 1 year ago

This just in - Onions now the cure for all the world's unhappiness. Doctors confirm. Details at 8.

Evelyn · 1 year ago

Kid frees all his father's farm animals after meeting a Peta worker at show and tell

Nick · 1 year ago

Man who speaks only in catch phrases from movies declared the greatest human being alive, quoted as saying "Show me the Money!!"

israel y · 1 year ago

from a newspaper in 1948 - this just in - Israel, a new country the world is going to love.

Joan Greaton · 1 year ago

The world's oldest woman, 189 year old Elma Wordoff, successfully completed her Navy Seals training! She completed the training the top of her class!

Linda Pinto · 1 year ago

Hillary Clinton concedes the nomination to Obama and promises not to play any more games and to work for his election while keeping Bill muzzled.

Monique Rizzo · 1 year ago

Lindsay Lohan to put a new line of Prairie Dress Clothing for Mormon Fundamentalists.

Bill Brasky · 1 year ago

R. Kelly sells own sex tape evidence for funds to defend himself in child pornography case

Janet F · 1 year ago

Hillary Clinton files for divorce from Bill Clinton

Ken Robinson · 1 year ago

Britney Spears wins the Oscar for Best Actress. Jack Black wins for Best Actor.

Angela J · 1 year ago

NEW WEIGHT LOSS PLAN: STOP EATING!

mverno · 1 year ago

this just in president bush has resigned

llinda29 · 1 year ago

Linda lost weight by eating cornflakes only for 10 weeks

rhonda laney · 1 year ago

Just in IRS is getteing dissolved!
No more taxes! no sales taxes! No property taxes!
No more Wars!
No more Goverment!
No police!
No Help for anyone

kelvin hobson · 1 year ago

GIVE ME THIS MOVIE!

judy brittle · 1 year ago

breaking new story! the president of the united states has just announced that every american citizen will receive a check in the amount of $25,000 to help cover their taxes for the year.

Randal Symmes · 1 year ago

Zima Drinking Rugby Player Shunned By Teammates.

Susan Smith · 1 year ago

This just in The govenment is out of debt and has so much extra money that American's don't have to pay taxes anymore.

Keith Wright · 1 year ago

Obama And McCain caught snuggling each other!

David Pollastrini · 1 year ago

"None of the above" wins presidency by landslide!

Richard T. · 1 year ago

Price of Gold drops to $1 per pound.

anna titanic · 1 year ago

Bill Clinton files for divorce from Hillary Clinton - says if she can't even win the nomination for the Presidency...the hell with her.

Christine · 1 year ago

"Something in the Water? Everyone is helpful and nice to everyone else. No one is in a hurry or rude. What's going on?"

thank you!

Amir · 1 year ago

Guns are all banned- all will be destryoed!

Megan B. · 1 year ago

Breaking news for May 2009: months after Obama's inauguration, Hillary Clinton announces she concedes.

berwyn100 · 1 year ago

It has been confirmed by the White House that aliens from space are responsible for our gas shortage. Sightings have been reported of syphoning into their spaceships.

George Barksdale · 1 year ago

Big Brown wins Triple Crown!!

George Barksdale · 1 year ago

Makes you want to cry.

Phillip Fry · 1 year ago

McCain and Obama become BFF's!

L McLendon · 1 year ago

Ice Road Truckers and As Men join forces to battle nature!

M Hohertz · 1 year ago

Boy wins guinness book of world records for dog who can catch and hold the most balls in his mouth. In teaching dog tricks boy develops confidence after debilitating injury. Dog truly is man's best friend.

Jay French · 1 year ago

Barrack Obama chooses Larry King as his running mate. He cites Mr. King's experience at domestic affairs.

Brian E. · 1 year ago

"Former GOP Presidential Primary contender Mike Huckabee saves choking man by using
Heimlich Maneuver, sadly, he is unable to save Republican Presidential Nominee Senator
John McCain from choking in the November Presidential election...film at 11:00..."

blueviolet · 1 year ago

Obama drops out of the race leaving Hillary to take the democratic nomination.

Jim W. · 1 year ago

Man barricades himself in house, no one cares.

Jayme Isaacs · 1 year ago

This Just In.Barack Obama Beats John McCain To Win The General Election And Become The 44th President Of The United States.Barack Obama 60% John McCain 55%.Barack Obama's Inauguration Will Take Place On January 21st 2009.

Ed Nemmers · 1 year ago

Dubya concerned about economy

philip halter · 1 year ago

pick me

Catherine copeland · 1 year ago

Hillary Clinton demands a florida recount. Claims those florida voters just can't seem to do things right

mark · 1 year ago

No such things as real stories now.

Anne G · 1 year ago

Local woman believes her cat is the reincarnation of Jerry Lewis. "He is just so funny," she tells anyone stuck in a line with her. Strangers are afraid to tell her that Jerry Lewis is still alive.

K. Cleaver · 1 year ago

Woman wins $8 million dollar lottery and dies in a car accident on the way home after being awarded her winnings. Investigators say the cause of the accident was obvious. Apparently she had struck a dear with her car. She had willed everything she had to the PETA organization (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). Guess this is one time the organization can profit from the death of an animal.

Lara Aleff · 1 year ago

Brittany Spears is pregnant again!

Joy Venters · 1 year ago

Nick and Jess - together again?

christopher h · 1 year ago

libertarian party nominates drug warrior bob barr for president -- oh, wait... um

samantha pruitt · 1 year ago

Hillary started sleeping with Bill again. (that's good to hear)

Buddy Garrett · 1 year ago

Hell freezes over... Barack Obama elected President

kathy pease · 1 year ago

GAS PRICES DROP TO 2.00...........HAHA YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RIGHT

Mary · 1 year ago

Gas prices hit an all time low!

Janet · 1 year ago

No more wars forever!

kathleen yohanna · 1 year ago

Scientists have discovered a way to predict earthquakes. Soon they will be able to stop them forever.

amber c · 1 year ago

economy in america.. at an all time high. 0 unemployment 0 poverty

Susanne Troop · 1 year ago

Paris Hilton really a man!

Robert B. · 1 year ago

June 10th, 2008 (CRAP)
HEADLINE: Man wins DVD contest and autographed butt of Steven Segal.
Story: In an unusual and top secret hidden bonus contest today, Robert B. of Oregon won a copy of "The Onion Movie: Raw and Uncut" plus the secret bonus prize of Steven Segal's butt autographed by Steven himself before it was amputated from his body. "Holy Crap! I won The Onion Movie," Robert said upon receiving his package, "...and some human flesh! Thanks Film School Rejects!" Steven Segal could not be reached for comment.

Lily Kwan · 1 year ago

Barrack Obama picks Oprah Winfrey as his running mate!

sarah Woods · 1 year ago

Antartacia returns to near normal temperatures; Global warming and Pollution Now Reversed!!!!!!

Peggy Gorman · 1 year ago

Jolie has babies ,Brad found with Jen

Cary Gordon · 1 year ago

Second Coming Ties up Rush Hour on I-5 for Eternity. Pope Officially Damns Transit Authority.

Bill Brasky · 1 year ago

who won this badboy?

Robert B. · 1 year ago

Well, if they emailed the winner already, it wasn't me. So much for my special bonus "booty prize." LOL. They don't seem to list out their winners, and a lot of the contests don't have "rules" listed out that show you exactly when contact will be made. This contest said, "Winners will be chosen on Tuesday, June 10th and contacted via email, so act fast!" so, I don't know if that means the contest ended at 11:59 PM on June 9th (whcih means I got my 6/10 entry in too late), or if that means they ended it sometime during June 10th. Either way, they should still announce who the winners are for each contest via a "winners page" or something... or change the blog to announce who the winner was. Something like "This contest ended June 10, 2007. Congratulations Jack L. from Iowa!"... or they could announce it via their e-mail newsletter.

marleenandlouie · 1 year ago

"Steven Segall wins the Oscar! He wins for his lifetime acting talent!

Robert B. · 1 year ago

I got an email saying that they were behind and that I one 1 of the 2 copies! YAY! I haven't received it yet, but I am giving them the standard 6-8 weeks for delivery before I complain....

SADLY, I have been informed that Mr. Segal is currently very attached to his ass. So, his buttocks is unavailable for inclusion in my prize package.

Frick!

Shoot!

Crud!

And it would have looked so nice above my fireplace. I had just cleared off my mantle too. Time to take great-grandma's ashes out of the kitty litter box, put them back in the urn, and put it back up there. *SIGH*